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The Long View

Tolerant and Progressive Commencement Speeches, 2014

by Rob Long

From the Stanford University Commencement Address, Delivered by the Commencement-Speech-Algorithm Project of the Computer Sciences Department:

Greetings, agender, androgyne, androgynous, bigender, cis, cisgender, cis female, cis male, cis man, cis woman, cisgender female, cisgender male, cisgender man, cisgender woman, female to male, FTM, gender fluid, gender nonconforming, gender questioning, gender variant, genderqueer, intersex, male to female, MTF, neither, neutrois, non-binary, other, pangender, trans, trans*, trans female, trans* female, trans male, trans* male, trans man, trans* man, trans person, trans* person, trans woman, trans* woman, transfeminine, transgender, transgender female, transgender male, transgender man, transgender person, transgender woman, transmasculine, transsexual, transsexual female, transsexual male, transsexual man, transsexual person, transsexual woman, and two-spirit students! And welcome, too, to their parents, guardians, self coaches, spirit guides, hatcheries, nurturers, gender-non-specific mothers, trans fathers, non-binary elders, genderqueer non-generationally specific responsible adults, composting aides, nonsexual partners, and gender-fluid mentors of choice! It gives the currently broadcasting non-animate algorithm enormous synthetic satisfaction to model the class-liberated and anti-colonial human behavior of joy at the successful completion of your Stanford education. Please download the appropriate app for your customized commencement experience. Share this day via Instagram and Twitter with your followers . . .

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