Planet Gore

No Twinkie bailout

Satire

Washington, DC, AP – A $1.5 billion “Twinkie Bailout” to save Hostess Brands and 18,500 jobs fell apart Friday after President Obama’s Twinkie Task Force could not come to terms with the Bakery Workers Union.

The multi-billion dollar federal rescue was unpopular with Republicans in Congress – and with New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg who blamed the company for obesity in America’s children. Hostess promised that it is developing a new, low-cal pastry called the Twinkie Volt. But the union admitted it could not guarantee delivery of Michigan and Ohio to Democrats in 2016.

“Let them go bankrupt,” said the president in a New York Times op-ed.

The maker of Twinkies, Suzie Qs, Wonder Bread, and other iconic baked goods, the 82-year-old Hostess announced plans for liquidation. Industry experts said some of the company’s popular snack cake brands would likely be bought by other baked goods makers. But Mayor Bloomberg declared an immediate ban on Twinkies in New York City effective Sunday.

Henry Payne — Henry Payne is the auto critic for the Detroit News.

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