Last week, Tim Carney noted in the Examiner that Pepsi is getting on the green bandwagon, risking shareholder value to institute company policies — and to lobby Congress for legislative reforms — that promise little social value, while imposing enormous economic costs through higher energy prices.
Planet Gore has learned from reliable sources today that Pepsi is taking the effort to the next level — going so far as to change their products to become more environmentally friendly. In a major shift for the soft-drink giant, Pepsi is now researching ways to replace the carbon dioxide in their sodas with another soluble gas that will not contribute to global climate change.
Pepsi spokesperson April Narren told Planet Gore, “Carbonated beverages are a clear threat to our planet. People still want the fizz — but not if it threatens their children and grandchildren. Our public-opinion research indicates that oxygenated beverages will be the choice of a new generation. We’re still working out the kinks in the new product’s shelf life, but we hope to bring it to market by January 2010.”
OK, just kidding. I’m sure I lost most of you at April Narren.