The Campaign Spot

Like Heck We Can’t Move on from the 1980s!

Following up on Thursday’s 1980s discussion, here’s the long form of the routine I offered on Twitter that afternoon . . . 

As Republicans pick up the pieces from 2012, you are hearing a bit less of the very well-worn refrain, “We need to emulate the model of Ronald Reagan.” And that’s good, because constantly invoking Ronald Reagan probably makes those of us on the right seem like we’re still living in the 1980s, fixated with returning to the ’80s, like we have an Obsession with an Eternal Flame, and we’re just Livin’ on a Prayer.

Let’s be honest about our circumstances: The Tide Is High. We’re up Against All Odds. We feel Jeopardy from a Cult of Personality.

It feels like The End of the Innocence, each time Another One Bites the Dust. The Heat Is On, In a Big Country.

Amid Shattered Dreams, it feels like the economy’s Free Fallin’. With Every Breath You Take, you sense gloom In the Air Tonight. Some say it’s Just the Way It Is.

Hey now, hey now. Don’t Dream It’s Over. Don’t Do Me Like That. Don’t Stop Believin’.

If Beds are Burning, We Didn’t Start the Fire. We Built This City! And We’re Not Going to Take It. It’s time to Shout!

As for the voters? People Are People. That Was Then, This Is Now. Let us be their Sledgehammer!

We’ll get Into the Groove, faster than you can say, Abracadabra!

Now, In the Heat of the Moment, some skeptics may Take on Me, dismissing me as some Goody Two Shoes. Now, Do You Really Want to Hurt Me? Well, You Don’t Mess Around With Jim.

If You Don’t Know Me by Now, What I Am is Hungry Like the Wolf. Every Day I Write the Book. And I’m Never Gonna Give You Up.

Remember, in foreign affairs, we Rock the Casbah and have a View to a Kill. We know Everybody Wants to Rule the World. Especially . . . I-Ran.

In economics, we know there’s no such thing as Money for Nothing. We believe in Workin’ for a Livin’, because One Thing Leads to Another. Pretty soon, we’ll be Puttin’ On the Ritz and Back in the High Life Again! Don’t let them tell you it will take The Longest Time.

We believe in Freedom. Freedom! And our Voices Carry, One Way or Another.

Remember, It Ain’t Over until It’s Over.

So in short, my advice is Don’t Worry, Be Happy. Celebrate! And Don’t You Forget about Me.

And don’t let anyone tell you that your thinking is stuck in the ’80s.

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