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Huge Breaking News Out of the White House Today

Jobless claims are up again, the poverty rate is at a 50-year high, North Korea is threatening to nuke us, Obamacare is turning into an unmanageable mess, and —

OMG OMG OMG JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IS PERFORMING AT THE WHITE HOUSE!!! 11! OMG OMG

No, really:

The White House announced this week that the 32-year-old artist is slated to perform there on April 9 as part of an evening of celebration for Memphis Soul music.

Timberlake will join other artists like The Alabama Shakes; William Bell; Steve Cropper; Ben Harper; Queen Latifah; Cyndi Lauper; Joshua Ledet; Sam Moore; Charlie Musselwhite; Mavis Staples; and the artist who’s given President Obama some of his best karaoke material, Al Green. The evening is part of the President and First Lady’s “In Performance at the White House” series, and it’ll air on PBS April 16 at 8 p.m. ET.

Because when you think Memphis Soul music, you think Justin Timberlake.

The sound you hear is millions upon millions of low-information voters squealing with delight at their president. If Obama’s numbers go underwater again, they’ll have to unleash the Kraken Bieber.

Hey, can I get some bread with these circuses?

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