Politics & Policy

Cosmo and the Business of Abortion

The magazine explains how to get hired at Planned Parenthood.

Recently, Cosmopolitan magazine put out yet another article promoting Planned Parenthood. This time they talked to a human-resources manager, who gave people advice on how to get hired at a Planned Parenthood facility. My first thought was, “Wow. This is pathetic.” My second thought was, “Wow. They must be desperate for employees.”

I know, from the inside, how Planned Parenthood works, because I worked for a Planned Parenthood facility for eight years. I was the director of a clinic, so human-resources work was an everyday part of my routine: I was responsible for hiring and firing employees. This Cosmo article was written in a Q&A format, and I found some of Planned Parenthood’s answers to be a little less than honest. So I thought maybe I could give a more thorough and honest answer to people who may be looking into employment with the organization.

First, you should know that Planned Parenthood is the largest provider of abortions in our country, which means they deliberately take the lives of more people than any other entity. They say that it takes a certain amount of “passion” to work inside their organization, but what it really takes is willful ignorance — to pretend that you are helping women by killing their children.

Now for the questions.

1. What qualities do you look for in every candidate?

Planned Parenthood is looking for vulnerable people, primarily women, to work for the organization. They really love single moms, because single moms are just desperate to put food on the table and will do pretty much anything to take care of their children, even if it means compromising their own values. Planned Parenthood also wants timid people, who will keep their mouths shut about the things they see there. Timidity is especially important, because if you ever leave the organization, they will send a really threatening letter to your home saying they will take you to court if you ever talk about what you have seen.

2. How often do you hire new people?

Planned Parenthood has a high turnover rate, so the answer to that question is, basically, “All the time.” People are constantly coming and going. You may get a job at a clinic and, after the first six months, work with an entirely different group of people. So I hope you aren’t looking to get into this job to make friends.

3. What do you expect candidates to know about the company before an interview?

Honestly, you don’t have to know anything. They are so desperate for employees, they will usually hire you right there on the spot. With their high turnover rate, they can’t be very picky.

4. Where do you recruit candidates?

Well, because Planned Parenthood thrives on vulnerable women, they usually do most of their recruitment from college campuses. If they can convince you to quit school and just work for them full-time, that is even better — because you don’t need any sort of degree to work for Planned Parenthood (more about that in a minute). They also do a lot of recruiting in poor neighborhoods. Remember, I told you they really like preying on single moms. They post brightly colored ads in Laundromats, community centers, WIC offices, Medicaid offices, etc. Wherever vulnerable women are, Planned Parenthood is there.

5. How do you use social media for recruiting potential employees?

Dishonestly. They use social media only to promote themselves and their agenda, and to promote all the other groups that love abortion as much as they do. But they won’t actually talk about abortion itself on social media: They don’t want their followers to realize that Planned Parenthood is really interested only in pushing and selling abortion. So they talk instead about benign topics such as obtaining-tax funded birth control or getting tested for STDs.

6. What types of jobs are available for recent graduates?

Oh, there are so many to choose from. They can train you how to normalize abortion to women who come in for “options counseling.” They can train you to be a POC (products of conception) technician: That job consists of piecing the parts of aborted babies back together to ensure that women don’t get a fatal infection. They can teach you how to bill fraudulent charges to Medicaid and other federal and state programs. (They can also teach you all the fun lingo that comes with working in an abortion clinic. For example, the staff always joked that POC stands for “parts of children.” And the freezer where we stored all of the dead babies was called “the nursery.”) They will train you how to dodge the risks of abortion, explaining that they don’t want to “scare women” by giving them all of the facts. They will also teach you how to avoid mention of the side effects from hormonal birth. They can train you how to insert an IUD on patients to cause an early abortion. They can even train you how to fudge your inspection logs . . . because they can’t risk having inspectors find out that they don’t always sterilize instruments properly. They can train you how to go into the schools and teach kindergartners graphic sexual positions using stuffed animals. They can train you how to perform medical procedures that it’s actually illegal for you to perform without a license. The list is endless.

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7. Do you have an internship program?

Oh, yes. Internship programs are very important to Planned Parenthood. It is the best way to persuade young, vulnerable women to become ambassadors for “reproductive health.” You want to show interns a good time: feed them pizza, take them on bus trips with tons of liquor, give them talking points that they can repeat over and over again, dress them up all professional-like and send them to the Capitol (where they will walk around all day and do nothing), and, finally, have them make up snazzy pro-choice chants, like “Hey, hey, mister, mister, Get your laws off my sister!” You can then convince them that they have just saved women’s rights.

8. Do most full-time positions require a specific degree?

Of course not. This is Planned Parenthood, not a medical clinic. Oh wait . . . it is a medical clinic. Well, they won’t worry about that. Licenses, certifications, and degrees just get in the way, and those kinds of people require more money, and that is really inconvenient for the bottom line. No, no: no degree is needed to work at a Planned Parenthood facility. They will just give you some on-the-job training (that lasts about an hour) and set you loose to perform transvaginal ultrasounds on women who come in. Want to draw blood? No certificate needed! You can just practice on your co-workers until you feel like you are “good enough” at sticking people. Want to take on that highly regarded position of POC technician? Well, you will have to earn that. Not just anyone can piece baby parts back together. But don’t worry, if you want to work in the recovery room and listen to women sob after their abortion is complete, you certainly don’t need any sort of education. Just keep your fingers crossed that no one starts to hemorrhage or has a serious medical complication, since you aren’t trained in providing medical care. Whatever you do, just remember that you don’t call 911. With all those anti-choice protesters outside, it might lead to bad press.

9. What types of questions do you typically ask in an interview?

They will ask how much you know about Planned Parenthood. They love it when people don’t know much about their organization: That gives them the opportunity to tell you only what they want you to hear. Basically, if you can show up to the interview and fill out the application on your own, you’ve got the job. No résumé needed. No experience needed. Heck, you can even say that you are pro-life; they will still hire you with the promise that you won’t ever have to work “in the back.” But they will eventually break that promise, once they see that you are more comfortable with abortion.

10. Is it okay to bring up salary?

Sure! Planned Parenthood has tons of money, so make sure you aim high. Killing babies for money brings in huge profits; over half a billion dollars a year, to be more accurate. The other half a billion dollars they bring in comes from your tax money anyway, so it’s totally acceptable to ask for some of that back in your hourly wage. There are also some perks that they may not mention during the interview: If you find yourself pregnant while working at Planned Parenthood, you can get a free abortion. That right there is savings of at least $400. And if you find out that you have contracted genital herpes, don’t worry about it. You can just illegally grab some pills from their back stash of medication. Don’t stress, everybody’s doing it. If they really didn’t want you to take it, they would lock up their meds like they are supposed to. You can also let them know that a little birdie (named Abby Johnson) told you that Warren Buffett gives them over $23 million a year to provide abortion services. Show them you’re no dummy, and let them know they aren’t going to pull the wool over your eyes.

11. What’s a mistake people make in interviews all the time and don’t know it?

The biggest mistake you can make is showing up. This is not a place you want to work. It took me eight years to figure that out — but you can be smarter than me. No matter how many Pap smears Planned Parenthood does, it will never make up for the more than 327,000 innocent children they killed just last year (not to mention the women they let die on their abortion-clinic tables).

You deserve better. If you currently work in the abortion industry and want out, please visit my website. We can help you leave.

— Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic director, is now a pro-life activist. She is the author of Unplanned: The Dramatic True Story of a Former Planned Parenthood Leader’s Eye-Opening Journey across the Life Line.

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