Banning ‘Ninja Swords’ Will Bring Britain Only Bitter Failure

Some important breaking news: Britain’s long ninja-nal nightmare is finally over. Yesterday U.K. Prime Minister Keir Starmer proudly announced: “Confirmed: Ninja swords will be banned by this summer. When we promise action we take it.” This is good news, because up until this point my primary reason for resisting travel to the United Kingdom — for resisting all foreign travel in general, really — was the fear of getting caught in the middle of a gang war between pajama-clad assassins.

This is only the latest and most outrageous development in a long-standing trend of British bigotry against the Bushidō code: Shurikens have been banned in the U.K. since 1988 — presumably as a hair-trigger response to the then poorly understood emergent threat of ninja turtles — and katanas since 2008, but now it’s time for the ninjatō to go as well: no more short swords. The Labour Party is finally serious about ending the shinobi menace once and for all. It is a moment heavy with regret: With this move Britain is no longer a land fit for the Way of the Warrior, and it’s difficult not to feel as if some core part of Merrie Olde England’s ancient identity is dying, akin to when Tony Blair’s quisling government banned fox-hunting in 2004.

About the Author

Jeffrey Blehar

Jeffrey Blehar is a National Review staff writer living in Chicago. He is also the co-host of National Review’s Political Beats podcast, which explores the great music of the modern era with guests from the political world happy to find something non-political to talk about.

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Some important breaking news: Britain’s long ninja-nal nightmare is finally over. Yesterday U.K. Prime Minister Keir Starmer proudly announced: “Confirmed: Ninja swords will be banned by this summer. When we promise action we take it.” This is good news, because up until this point my primary reason for resisting travel to the United Kingdom — for resisting all foreign travel in general, really — was the fear of getting caught in the middle of a gang war between pajama-clad assassins.

This is only the latest and most outrageous development in a long-standing trend of British bigotry against the Bushidō code: Shurikens have been banned in the U.K. since 1988 — presumably as a hair-trigger response to the then poorly understood emergent threat of ninja turtles — and katanas since 2008, but now it’s time for the ninjatō to go as well: no more short swords. The Labour Party is finally serious about ending the shinobi menace once and for all. It is a moment heavy with regret: With this move Britain is no longer a land fit for the Way of the Warrior, and it’s difficult not to feel as if some core part of Merrie Olde England’s ancient identity is dying, akin to when Tony Blair’s quisling government banned fox-hunting in 2004.

About the Author

Jeffrey Blehar

Jeffrey Blehar is a National Review staff writer living in Chicago. He is also the co-host of National Review’s Political Beats podcast, which explores the great music of the modern era with guests from the political world happy to find something non-political to talk about.