Dreaming of a “Green Christmas?” This Christmas season, environmentalism is going into the marketing department and coming out the other side as “Envirochic.” It is now common practice — even trendy — to market overpriced products that one can call “environmentally friendly” to soothe the guilt-ridden American shopper’s psyche.

Forget those old Christmas lights — how about some nice LED lights instead? There is nothing new about “Light Emitting Diodes,” and they are more expensive. But just add an environmental rationale for spending more, and they’ll fly off the shelves! LED lights use less energy, supposedly last longer, are less hot, and can even change color. If only someone could make them to stay lit once they are on the tree.

Even the traditional fake Christmas tree now has an environmental raison d’etre, as it spares a real tree — even if the real trees are grown for that purpose anyway. Never mind that people have been using fake Christmas trees for years because they are cheaper, do not shed annoying pine needles all over the floor, require less work, and can be stored in a box until the next holiday season. If they happen to be green, they can also be marked up for the environmentally conscious shopper.

Vogue had some more great ideas in its May issue, if you worry about the planet and feel you don’t spend enough money at the supermarket: expensive designer bags for use at the store instead of those “horrible” plastic grocery bags. The writer carefully explained that “the plastic bag side of collateral shopping damage is horrendous.” And paper bags, the article explains, require the killing of too many trees. There is no mention of reusing plastic bags or even recycling them — that would defeat the purpose. The point is to get more people to buy these great new designer bags!

In fact, starting this year, Vogue has dedicated at least one article in every issue to such expensive, “eco-conscious” products. One of them, for instance, gave instructions for an eco-conscious party — just serve clams, organic foods, and “organic martinis.”

Envirochic weddings have likewise become all the rage over the past year. The bridal marketplace now offers “green” dresses, favors, clothes, etc. And the Washington Post ran several articles on how to have an environmentally friendly wedding over the summer.

You can even buy a “green” wedding ring. There are companies that proclaim that their gold and diamonds come from non-destructive mines where no unacceptable ecological or sociological behavior is practiced. In fact, most mainstream jewelers today make a point of selling “conflict free” diamonds, even though it is almost impossible to be sure that a diamond is truly “conflict-free.”

Green Karat, a “green” jeweler, makes a big deal of its recycling business — taking back used gold wedding rings to recycle into new ones. Just imagine — if you leave your spouse for a new one, you can take your old wedding ring and have it remade into a new one for your new beau. In the past, all those gold rings must have been filling up the landfills with dangerous heavy metals, so it is a good thing we have Green Karat around to perform this invaluable service to the environment (for a modest fee).

Even Target has gotten into the act, with its environmentally friendly “Method” brand. Method’s website promotes their line of concentrated detergents as good for the environment because they use less water. (Never mind that people have long been using concentrated detergent for the obvious reason of economy.) At least nearly all of Method’s products share the “green” characteristic of being more expensive. Method’s Home detox kit makes it sound like the consumer is giving their house a stay at rehab when in fact the kit is nothing more than a series of all purpose cleaning products with fancy scents.

Envirochic is for high-end purchases, too. A simple SUV is not nearly as prestigious as a hybrid SUV. The upside for the companies producing these products is that the environmentally conscious lines are subsidized by the government by a tax credit. Therefore, they can also carry higher price tags, on average $10,000 more than the non-hybrid versions.

But what price is not worth paying for a clean conscience? An Envirochic consumer feels so much better about himself or herself. He or she is educated, understanding that humans consume and waste too much. Informed purchases show that she cares about other people, unlike the typical dumb and selfish consumers.

Yet on closer examination, being Envirochic has less to do with the environment than it has to do with adding a new level of status spending to the American consumers’ purchases. There are no standards that these overpriced products have to pass to be called “environmentally friendly” by the producer.

One could endeavor to buy all these new products aimed at “saving our world” — Al Gore’s light bulbs, carbon offsets, hybrid cars, and designer grocery bags just to name a few. This could upend some households’ financial goals, such as paying for retirement or the kids’ college tuition, but it probably won’t do anything to save the planet. In the end, the average person would accomplish more for the environment by intentionally creating less waste and being responsible with their purchases and energy use.

But why bother? No one can make money from that. – Deborah Corey Barnes is a freelance writer and blogs for the Polireport in Washington, D.C.