For many, Mother’s Day is a joyful celebration. But for some birth mothers — women who voluntarily placed a child for adoption — it can be a painful reminder of loss, judgment, and invisibility. While some birth moms choose to observe Birth Mother’s Day (the Saturday before Mother’s Day), others skip the occasion entirely. What often makes the day harder, though, is how society treats them — not just on Mother’s Day, but every day.
Mother’s Day can be complex, and our research shows that some of us may be contributing to this difficulty. After recently completing three in-depth focus groups and surveying over 1,100 birth mothers who voluntarily placed a child for adoption, we better appreciate the widespread diversity among this group. Birth mothers have varied backgrounds and experiences, and their demographics are wide-ranging in terms of race, age, educational status, etc. But what is true for more than 90 percent of birth mothers is their experience of stigma. Birth mothers perceive society as judgmental toward their decision to place a child for adoption. Whether from their parents, other relatives, friends, or members of their community, the vast majority of birth mothers have at least one person in their life who views their decision negatively. It’s no wonder that some birth mothers would be reluctant to celebrate a day that may lead to added stress.
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