So This Is Christmas — and What Have Celebrities Actually Done?

There are many cheery Christmas tunes that only a Grinch would disdain, despite how often we hear them during the holidays. My own favorites include “Coffee” from The Nutcracker, Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas,” and “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band.

However, some songs should be banned from the airwaves in December. They are self-congratulatory celebrity paeans to the singers’ own ostensible omniscience and virtues. Unpleasant as they are, such tunes, once heard over department-store sound systems, are nearly impossible to dislodge from one’s brain, sticking there just as melted Christmas candy fastens on to an old-fashioned apartment radiator.