LARRY KING: Tomorrow night! The cast of High School Musical One meets the cast of High School Musical Eighteen! From Baton Rouge, hello!

CALLER: Hi, Larry. I was wondering if your guest ever feels lonely?

LARRY KING: How about it? Is it lonely rattling around the Capitol Building over there? Empty chairs and meeting rooms and whatnot?

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: Well, sure, Larry, it’s weird. I mean, look, when I was first elected to Congress, I just sort of expected that there would be, you know, other Republicans around.

LARRY KING: Right. Two-party system. That whole bit.

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: Right. And then it was the ’08 election with Obama and then we had the ’10 midterms when it all went down, and that night I was watching Fox News — I mean, what used to be Fox News —

LARRY KING: Fairness Doctrine II! Takes a chomp outta Murdoch’s media empire!

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: Yeah.

LARRY KING: What do they show on that now? Old movies?

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: Shopping, I think.

LARRY KING: Shopping! Diamondique, friends!

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: Anyway, there I was watching the old Fox News and looking at this huge blue map and there was only one small speck of red. Me.

LARRY KING: A speck! A speck on a map and that’s all she wrote! This weekend! The whole hour with the reanimated corpse of Fred MacMurray! From Oklahoma City, hello!

CALLER: Hi, Larry. I’d like to know how your guest feels he’s treated by the Democrats?

LARRY KING: Good question. Gotta be some hazing, right? You’re the only one, you’ve got no one else in your caucus meetings. They control everything. Do you sometimes just sit there in one of those big empty offices and just cry?

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: Well, no, Larry. I mean, I’ve got a job to do. I may be the only Republican left in the Congress, but that doesn’t mean I should just give up. Sure, there were some little pranks — they moved my office into the hazmat area, and they rearranged the buttons on my phone.

LARRY KING: Doesn’t sound too bad.

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: And they passed a law requiring me to give Daniel Inouye a daily sponge bath.

LARRY KING: Well, he’s a handsome man.

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: Honestly, Larry, if you saw him squatting in the bathtub, you wouldn’t say that.

LARRY KING: Fair enough!

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: But other than that, it’s been okay. They give me a few minutes each week to walk around the building and stretch my legs, and some of them have said nice things to me when I do my tax-cut speech.

LARRY KING: What do they do, what’s that called when they pull up your underpants from behind?

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: A wedgie?

LARRY KING: A wedgie! Do they give you those?

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: No, Larry.

LARRY KING: What’s the other word for it? Melvin? A Melvin! Wedgie or Melvin — I don’t really care what they call it. Honestly, I give myself one at least four times a day. I need the support, you know? Thursday! The whole hour with the cast of 2 — have you seen 2?

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: Is that what they’re calling 24?

LARRY KING: Right! Instead of saving the world and taking 24 hours, the hero guy just talks to the bad guys for two hours and reaches out to them. It’s a different type of approach. Not as sexy.

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: I don’t have access to television.

LARRY KING: What about Speaker Pelosi? She was on last week and said you were being extremely cooperative.

CONGRESSMAN SMITH: You know, Larry, I have to say — and I say this to all of the Republicans in the country, when we get together on Tuesdays at the Outback Steakhouse by the airport — Speaker Pelosi has been wonderful about all of this. I remember when she reached out to me. I think it was at Sean Hannity’s public hanging, and there we all were, all dressed up, and she came over to my seat and put her arm around me and said — and I think she was sincere, Larry, I really do — and she said, “Congressman, let’s get through this, and then Roger Ailes’s show trial, and then you and I are going to sit down and talk about how to move forward.” And Larry, she has been true to her word. I’ve got no complaints. I’m included in a lot of stuff, invited to listen in on the committee meetings, permitted to use the vending machines. Seriously. It’s not that bad.

LARRY KING: A man alone! Falling back on personal resources and so forth! Sounds like a book! Or a movie! Next week! From federal prison! The last interview with former senator Joe Lieberman before he receives a lethal injection! And then, Ryan Seacrest!