The new “Batman Begins” opens today. Consider it the darker cousin of “Spiderman 2,” the delightful attempt to demonstrate just how difficult it would be to maintain two separate identities when one of your identities can shoot out spiderwebs and jump from building to building and the other keeps getting fired from pizza delivery jobs. “Batman Begins” tries to explain how a billionaire might become a cowl-wearing crimefighter with lots of cool gadgets. But it does so with a solemnity and tragic seriousness that is already knocking the socks off reviewers. I thought it was a pretty decent time at the movies, but the humorlessness is really a little much. The lead actor, Christian Bale, spends two hours scowling, pouting, punching and suffering. Co-writer/director Christopher Nolan is so determined to make him a tragic hero that he forgets many tragic heroes (like, say, Hamlet, to whom this Batman is a cousin) get to throw off a few one liners here and there. When the movie’s two elder statesmen, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman, actually get to crack a few smiles and throw off a few quips, it’s like a sip of fresh water after a thousand miles crawling in the desert. On the up side: A terrific and spooky villain played by Cillian Murphy, a dynamic and mysterious mentor performance by Liam Neeson, and real visual grandeur. I give it a 7. If I were twelve years old, I’d probably give it an 11. But I’m 44.