From The Onion:

Backpack Strategically Placed In Theft-Proof Corner Of Concert Hall Floor
ATHENS, GA—Wishing to avoid the annoyance of wearing his backpack during a rock and roll show at the 40 Watt Club Friday, concertgoer Nick Hurley ingeniously placed the bag in the corner, thereby rendering his personal items completely inaccessible to any potential thieves.
The 26-year-old software developer told reporters that the corner—located to the left of the main stage in an area slightly darker than the rest of the room—would act as an inviolable barrier against any attempted theft while providing him with the peace of mind necessary to leave his backpack unattended for the duration of the concert.
“I’m so glad I thought to put it there,” said Hurley, whose iPod, house keys, and new laptop computer were made utterly secure in the open floor space by simple virtue of his having chosen to place them there. “To the untrained eye, this corner might seem like any other right angle formed by two perpendicular walls, but I instantly recognized it as the impregnable fortress that it was.”
“My backpack is partway under a chair,” he added. “There is no way anything can ever happen to it.”