Readers are trying to cheer me up. With the story of this lad, for example.

It isn’t working, though. I just know little Stuart—he must now be 22—grew up to be a Community Relations Liaison Officer, with a “partner,” no kids, and strong opinions—his only strong opinions—about coriander versus oregano. He drinks bottled water, works out on expensive gym equipment, watches a lot of TV, has perfect dentition, feels bad about the Empire, votes Labour, and has one of those Blackberry gizmos. I just know.