From a reader:

Hi Jonah and all other Cornerites. I have an important question with (possible) national repercussions…
In a perfect world, the candidates in the next presidential election would be famous fictional characters.
If it came down to it, which would you vote for: Cthulu, or Darth Vader?

This sort of thing might be better left for The New Goldberg File, but I think it’s of such searing importance we should at least broach it here.

Miller may disagree, but I think the obvious answer is Darth Vader. First of all, we know he has good in him deep, deep, down. So there’s at least hope that his goodness can be appealed to. Second, as I understand it, Vader preferred oppressive order while Cthulu opted for agony and wrath. I prefer freedom to tyranny, but I prefer a safe tyranny to an eternity of torment. I’m wacky like that. Still, I don’t know all that much about Cthulu’s plans, so maybe I’ve got that wrong.