Day at the beach, followed by another day at the splash park. (We are entertaining a foreign visitor.) I have a question: What happened to the one-piece female bathing suit?

It’s nothing but bikinis out there in beachland and splashparkland this summer. Every female Homo sap., of every age, shape, and tint is in a bikini, including a great many who should not be — including, indeed, quite a few who should be arrested for it.

For a nation with 47 kinds of breakfast cereal and 293 categories of pop music (anyone care to tell me what “Christian Screamo” sounds like? On second thoughts, never mind . . .), we are very unimaginative about ladies’ beachwear. This is it? Game, set, and match to the bikini?

[Not quite it, perhaps. At the Splish Splash water park out on eastern Long Island yesterday, I spotted a BMO among all the bikinis. Wonder what she was thinking.]