“Mr. Derbyshire—According to _Dorland’s Illustrated Medical Dictionary_

(Philadelphia: W.B. Sanders, 2000), ‘bumpy tongue’ is technically known as

erythema nodosum, which is sometimes seen in cases of primary

coccidioidomycosis. I’m afraid that it is terminal — your son has probably

no more than 70 to 90 years left. With regrets…”