“Subject: CRY FOR ASSISTANCE

I’M A SUBSCRIBER! WHERE’S MY MONEY! ANY ATTEMPT TO PAY *NEW* SUBSCRIBERS BEFORE THE WE, THE LOYAL SUBSCRIBERS, GET OURS WILL BE MET WITH LEGAL JIHAD THAT MAKES THE TOBACCO SETTLEMENT LOOK LIKE SMALL CLAIMS COURT!

Let’s be reasonable. I figure a $100K for each year I’ve subscribed is more than fair. My first year was a gift subscription from brother. Does he get a $100K too? Better no take it out of mine! Certified check, okay? Luv NR dead tree; mean it!”