John proposes a number of useless tests for judging poetry: the opinions of British reviewers, polls, etc., etc. The first plays to American forelock tugging, the second might be called the Dick Morris school of the good, the true and the beautiful.

One charge merits extended response: plagiarism. This is a gee-whiz stunt of the dull (or in John’s case, the willfully and momentarily perverse) when they encounter literature or music. Shakespeare stole plots! Handel stole melodies and fugues! To shift disciplines for the moment, boobs and rubes are perenially astonished to read Article 1 of the Virginia Bill of Rights (June 12, 1776), by George Mason:

That all men are by nature equally free and independent, and have certain inherent rights…namely, the enjoyment of life and liberty…and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety.

Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence a few weeks later. He stole it!

To which the answer is, Yes and no. Yes–he lifted key phrases. No–he makes them immortal. (When the ellipses are filled in, Jefferson’s superiority to Mason become even more clear.)

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is, as Twain said, the difference between lightning and lightning bugs.

Eliot rules.