I was thinking about the Bird Wars this morning (because I, unlike

some, care about freedom) and I realized that if I were to write a

movie about the Rise of the Avian Menace, it would start exactly like

the events that are unfolding now. First one seemingly

super-intelligent talking bird, then another, then isolated incidents

of bird attacks on people. Then I started thinking that I should

write this movie, that it would be great, better than The Birds,

which is fun but has no greater underlying theme other than suspense.

No, the movie that I would hope to live up to is Planet of the Apes,

and then it hit me — when we were discussing good-bad movies, how did

we miss the granddaddy of them all?