Things can sometimes feel pretty grim out here in Illinois, particularly in Chicago. As a troubled city in a politically accursed state frequently afflicted by polar vortexes, we recently elected the singularly incompetent Brandon Johnson as mayor only to watch the illegal-immigrant crisis explode. (As his 28 percent approval rating shows, the city has already given up on him.) It gets worse too, since the Bears will inevitably find a way to blow the No. 1 draft pick this offseason. Governor J. B. Pritzker has some good news for us, however, via Twitter — we can always get high to ease the pain:
You can practically feel the pride beaming off the dewlapped jowls of Illinois’s improbably corpulent Democratic governor as he becomes the friendly government face of state-licensed (and thus profitably taxed) marijuana: a jolly progressive Pusherman in a blue big-and-tall-sized suit. Sales are up yet again! Profits are high! The state is toking more, it’s a respectable business now! Blunts all around, gentlemen, and smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em — unless they’re cigarettes, that is, in which case please remain outdoors and 20 feet from any entrance at all times.
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