An e-mail:

As a long-time reader of That Happy Corner on NRO, I’ve often thought about writing to say how much I appreciate and enjoy you, Jonah, Derb and the rest of the Gang. However, I’ve never wanted to bother you with another e-mail (I’m sure your box is always overflowing) — until now.
I cannot let pass all these accolades for Diet Coke. I have never been able to drink coffee for caffeination, but I also draw the line at Diet Coke. I am confident that REAL conservatives drink Diet Pepsi! I will drink almost any cold caffeinated beverage; though I prefer Diet Pepsi, I also willingly guzzle Diet Mountain Dew, Diet RC Cola, and Diet Dr Pepper (take that, Mr. Stuttaford!) — but I refuse Diet Coke. I’ll suffer through a caffeine-fasting headache before I’ll choke down that swill.
I am sure that the Diet Pepsi/Diet Coke divide is as wide as Red States/Blue States, and Diet Pepsi is for The Good Guys in Red. (Though I will concede that regular Coke’s movie-theater commercials with the NASCAR drivers is thoroughly Red State.)
I therefore make the following offer: if you could endorse Diet Pepsi in The Corner, I will carry out my long-intended, never-completed resolve to subscribe to NR. (You might, for example, see if someone could talk about Diet Pepsi going best with Marmite or haggis, sort of like red with meat, white with fish . . . .)

ME: I have no idea if it goes well with Marmite or haggis, but Diet Pepsi is a-okey with me. I actually have no real preference–they both seem to do the job, unless the day is especially ugly (and Diet Mountain Dew works as well–especially in the case that brings in any subscribers.

And, now, go ahead and subscribe, thank you very much!

And, don’t worry, I’m turning the computer off now.