Mark describes New Orleans as a “welfare swamp enlivened by occasional transsexual hookers.” I love it!

I for one would pay top dollar for such a slogan on my license plate. Alas, in DC we are forced to sport “Taxation without Representation.” Don’t get me started on how this gets priorities exactly backward. DC Statehooders think it’s horrible that we are taxed without a representative in Congress. Fair enough. But. come on, who among us wouldn’t trade their congressman’s vote in exchange for exemption from federal taxes? And yet they want to remedy the situation by fighting for one more permanent Democrat in the House rather than demanding relief from the tax rolls.

Oops, I guess I got myself started.

Anyway, where was I? Oh right, city mottoes. One of my favorites was Anchorage’s. When I was up there for my ANWR story, I spent an afternoon walking around the downtown in Anchorage. Hanging from the street lights were banners touting the town. They read: “Anchorage: Clean and Safe!”

I always loved that because not only because it seemed so minimalist — like a box of cereal promising “This won’t give you rickets!” — but also because it was so clearly devised by bureaucrats trying to dispel the common perception of Anchorage as dirty and dangerous.

Bureaucrat A: Okay, we’ve got this grant money to change our image. What do we want to say?

Bureaucrat B: That Anchorage is now clean and safe?

Fast forward through six months of memo writing, grease-boarding and flannel-mouthing by bureaucrats C thru ZZZZ.

Bureaucrat A: I’ve got it: “Anchorage: Clean and Safe!”

Huzzahs all around.

Anyway, can anyone tell I’m procrastinating?