Hoo boy. Note to self: Set reader joke competitions only when I have several hours with nothing to do. (i.e. on the Greek calends.)

I’m going to take the jokes one at a time. For this post, the light-bulb joke.

How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Suggested punch lines:

[Several inspired by Mrs. Obama] Light bulbs? Ha! As a black man in America, Barack could get shot going to the hardware store.Do you know how expensive light-bulb changing lessons are?Yes, Michelle is right, two.None, you try affording CFLs on a community organizers salary.[Many Obama-Messiah jokes] They don’t use lightbulbs. The light from the halo is more than enough.When Obama is president, light bulbs will screw in themselves.[In roughly the same genre, for Oprah fans] Just The One.[From a lady] The light bulb joke will work with the standard joke about men that all married women understand. How many men does it take to change a light bulb? One. He thinks he can hold it and the world will revolve around him. Try it on Mrs. D. [I sure will, Ma’am … when I’m tired of life.][Similarly] One. Obama holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.[Some riffing on those horrid curly eco-friendly bulboids] The Obama household uses environmentally friendly CF bulbs, which last longer and do not need to be replaced as often.In an effort to combat global warming, the Obama household uses only energy-efficient CFC bulbs, and it’s been so long since they’ve had to be changed that nobody can remember exactly who changed them.All four. One to screw in the bulb, and the other three to man the required HAZ-MAT materials in case the mercury-laden earth-friendly bulb breaks.[Miscellaneous] Only one member of the household is needed. He organizes several dozen community members to petition local government to allocate funds to send a team of municipal electricians. After several public hearings and the issuance of an official apology for the substandard bulb — I’m not saying prejudice is involved, mind you, but it’s funny how you never hear about light bulbs going out in Mitch McConnell’s house — poof, it’s done.Why would they? It will only take one to wreck the national energy system, so that it won’t light up when you screw it in, anyway.None. They just declare the sudden darkness to be The Change We’ve Been Waiting For.Three: One to actually screw the light bulb in, the other two to throw Rev. Wright and Obama’s grandmother under the bus for not screwing the light bulb in sooner.1 to talk about how he’d change it, 1,000,000 to talk about how it’s the most profound and eloquent speech about changing a light bulb ever given.None. Screwing in lightbulbs is cynical and old-fashioned. Rather, they just let their hope inspire the change.Three. One to screw in the lightbulb. One to smash it to pieces because its design is offensive to Muslims and Environmentalists. And one to deny that Obama knew anything about it and to fire everyone involved.One. One woman. With no headscarf. Predominantly white, but with traces of southeast Asian ancestry. She must have masters in a field that ends with “studies” and her ex-husband should be under indictment for his failure to make child support payments.The light bulb I see today is not the light bulb that I knew and that has lit my living room for so many years. I am disappointed.