A reader sends along the following story from the Onion:

Humane Society Worker Secretly Glad To See Nippy Dachshund Put Down

MARYSVILLE, OH-Union County Humane Society volunteer Catherine Moncrief, 23, admitted Monday that a small part of her was glad to see Oscar, a nippy, hyperactive dachshund, put to sleep. “I feel really guilty, but when they euthanized him, I was kind of like, ‘Ha, ha-serves you right, you obnoxious little shit,’” Moncrief said. “I went through a whole bottle of hydrogen peroxide in two weeks from feeding and washing him.” Moncrief then privately mused that the incessantly whimpering cocker in Cage 12 could go next for all she cares.

The reader added: “Replace ‘nippy dachsund’ with, say, ‘Beltway Sniper,’ and you pretty much get a sense of the self-contradictory (or ambivalent) feelings of this avowed ‘anti-death penalty’ Catholic.” I hear you, man, I hear you.