Clinton, Obama, McCain, zzzzz. Where is our candidate — the candidate for those of us who don’t want our kids to live in a U.S.A. with a billion people? Those of us who don’t believe that a rabble of religious fanatics represent an existential threat to Western Civilization? Those of us who think that sitting round a campfire clapping hands and chanting “Yes we can!” is not an adult activity? Where is our candidate, huh? Pah!

Let’s talk about something interesting. The following question, f’rinstance:

In a worst-case scenario, if one had to eat parts of oneself, which non-organs would be the most nutritious? Nails? Hair? Earwax?

That’s from the Feb. 9th issue of New Scientist. A serious discussion follows. Bone marrow and fat tissue are your best bets, though of course both present harvesting issues. Scraping off some of your skin (after first soaking it in water for easier scrapability) is a good idea, too, though “skin would probably be more nutritious if left to decay for a few days, so that bacteria could render it more cheesily digestible.” Right. Then we get to the topic of re-ingesting your own waste products … but I stopped reading about there. And actually, as one reader pointed out, the whole issue is a bit moot, since the body is smart enough to start consuming itself once you get into the starvation zone. First it absorbs your fat reserves, then it starts on the muscles.

Election? What election?