I’m at the federal courthouse in Washington, where we just got word a minute ago that the jury in the Libby trial has quit for the evening, with no verdict. Earlier today, I was scheduled to be on Fox, talking about Hillary and Obama. Miked up, made up, and ready to go, I got bumped by the Anna Nicole hearing. No complaints from me — while Hillary and Obama are interesting, the hearing was a great show, which I was able to enjoy uninterrupted for 45 minutes. And as I watched, I began to think: What if Judge Larry Seidlin, AKA “Judge Larry,” had presided over the Libby trial?

“Chicago, Chicago, Chicago,” he might say — Judge Larry calls lawyers by the place they’re from, so prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald immediately became “Chicago” — “Chicago, Chicago, you’re getting animated for no reason, my friend. This ‘covert’ stuff — didn’t I tell you not to talk about that? Can we put a lid on ‘covert?’ I’m a product of Hunter College, in the Bronx. You know Hunter College? Sound like you’ve got a little bit of a cold. A stress cold, probably. I’m going to get you some juice. Here, use my credit card. And a lid on ‘covert,’ you understand?”

“Your honor…” said defense lawyer Ted Wells.

“Have a seat, New York,” Judge Larry said. “Everybody sit down. Sit down. Can we have some straight talk here? When I talk, I want to be the only voice I hear. So let’s have some straight talk here. You understand straight talk? Is your client lying? Did he lie? I’m from Hunter College, in the Bronx…”

“Your honor…” said Wells.

“Veep,” Judge Larry said, turning to the defendant. “They call you Scooter, but I call you Veep. Now, it turns out the real Veep is not gonna testify, so I’ll call you Veep. You’re Veep to me. So you can just tell me now and we can all save a lot of time. You belong to me now, Veep. Didja lie? You tellin’ the truth? Didja lie to the grand jury?”

“Your honor, if I may address the court…” Libby began.

“Sit down, Veep,” said Judge Larry. “I’m moving on.”