Squidward’s mien is in fact beyond question, and his clarinet play,

love of art, and need for peace and quiet does bespeak a more

traditional paleo-con attitude. But I am forced to point out the

“Club Spongebob” episode, where Spongebob and Patrick have a private

club and Squidward insists on being admitted, at which point the

clubhouse is overcrowded and the tree falls over. It’s clearly a

parable about affirmative action.

I would nominate Mr. Krabs but we need him running the Treasury.