My biorhythms must have hit a deep trough yesterday — nothing was working.

Schlepped my ancient, 150-lb laptop across town from Penn Station to

National Review, picked up security passes, schlepped back to Madison Square

Gardens to have a look round. At this point — nothing even HAPPENING

yet — I had developed bursitis, a nasty toe blister, and a good layer of

sticky sweat. Down to the NR booth, which is set right in front of the

biggest air conditioning unit I’ve ever seen, blasting at full power.

Leaning into the teeth of the gale like Scott of the Antarctic, I fiddled

with computer connections for a while. Conclusion: No dial-up access.

Laptop no use. Bugger it. Went up to convention hall to see if anything

was going on. Nothing was. Lotta big faces being busily interviewed: Alan

Keyes, Ed Koch, Peter King. (King has been our “anti-terrorist” Congressman

from Long Island since 9/11/01. Prior to that, he was the leading shill

here for the Irish terrorist movement.)

Drifted out vaguely into street hoping for local color to write up. Nobody

protesting — they must have melted away when they saw me coming. Local

color? I lived in NYC for six years — it seems normal to me. (More normal

than it used to be, in fact, back in the eighties. Where, for example, is

the bag lady who used to dress up as Madame Butterfly, pushing her battered

supermarket trolley along the sidewalk wearing a dirty, ragged kimono,

croaking “Un bel di” from behind a pound of stage make-up? Where are the

Hare Krishnas and the Jews for Jesus guys yelling salvation into my face?

Where are the guys who want to sell me “smoke smoke smoke”? Where are the

snows of yesteryear? Etc. etc.) Schlepped useless laptop back across town,

stopping halfway for sushi lunch. Sat in NR a while surfing web &

gossiping.

No hall access for evening events, sat in NR bunker watching icicles form on

tips of NR editorial staff noses as we attempted to hear the floor speeches

through roar of a/c unit. Vaguely made notes on laptop to look as if I was

doing something. (Tues. morning: Seem to have lost file. Oh well.) Tried

not to keep asking self why not at home with Goodwife Derb & bairns, sipping

Glenmorangie with feet up on recliner watching speeches & emailing in pithy

thoughts from warm, book-lined study. Speeches: McCain EXCELLENT, Rudy v.

good though not as well organized. I put this guy in a novel once (see Ch.

53 of FIRE FROM THE SUN). It’s hard to be objective about someone you’ve

put in a novel.

The day would have been a total write-off if not for the Turtle Bay tea-time

bash. Huge crowd of NR/NRO friends & supporters — God bless every one of

them. I remarked to one, with my usual exquisite taste, that if a suicide

bomber had walked in and pressed the plunger around 6 o’clock, the

conservative movement would have needed decades to recover. Notably

present: Good humor, lots of laughter, extraordinary number of beautiful

women (conforming to P.J. O’Rourke’s observation that the movement to be

with, the one that’s actually going somewhere, is the one with all the

good-looking women), and an impressive seasoning of military & ex-military

folk. One of the latter, an ex-Green Beret, made a point about Kerry’s 1971

Congressional testimony that I think can’t be made enough: If Kerry told

the truth about having witnessed atrocities, he’s in violation of the

Uniform Code for not having reported them at the time. If he wasn’t telling

the truth, he’s guilty of lying to Congress, a civilian crime. Either way

you cut it, the guy’s a criminal. Yes!

(Though I managed to screw up even at the party, mistaking Rick Santorum for

Pat Toomey. EVERY politician has a “Do You Know Who I Am” streak — it’s

not just Kerry, though his is wider than most — so Rick was not pleased.

There goes Nellie’s Congressional internship.)

Day 2: Lost voice from talking too loud at Turtle Bay bash. Got incipient

cold from sitting in front of industrial air conditioner while covered in

sweat. Staying home to brood on vicissitudes of life. Note to self: Buy

new laptop before 2008.