DC authorities are going to attempt to count the homeless today. Which got me thinking. Why not tag them like wildlife? 1…2…3…4…5…6….7…8…9…10. Okay now that your initial righteous indignation has died down. Think about it. Every winter untold numbers of homeless die because the police cannot find them on sub zero nights. Every year we have absurd debates on how many of them there are. Tagging the homeless with small, GPS-loaded, markers would enable us to keep an honest count and it would allow police to zero in on them on nights when they are in danger of freezing to death. Some homeless want to stay on the street when it’s cold, but at least now the police could give them a choice.

I admit there are problems. Many homeless people are nuts and already believe the government has implanted chips in them. Well, to them I say, “What’s one more?” Other homeless are inclined to criminal activity (indeed by definition almost all of them are loiterers) and they would not want the government monitoring them. But arguing that you want to be free to commit crimes is not a great argument. Indeed, we could present the homeless with a choice: wear the tag and take a few bucks for your troubles or be put into a shelter. We could call them “homeless licenses.”

And there are added benefits. First, it would make the lives of the homeless a lot more interesting, adding drama and excitement to otherwise dreary lives. Second, such a policy might help us find the CHUDS, Mole people, etc.