Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to offer you a brief lament, one which ironically must stand in for a longer piece I fear I may never get the chance to write. Yes, we need to talk for a moment about these goddamned Chicago White Sox.
And I don’t use “goddamned” colloquially or casually; I am in fact of the belief that God himself literally reached down from the heavens to put a curse upon the 2024 White Sox, which is the only explanation possible for their ability to lose 120 major league baseball games this season, tying the record for disastrous failure set by the New York Mets back in 1962 when they were an expansion team filled with nobodies. Inaugural manager Casey Stengel once lamented back then, in the locker room after a blowout: “Can’t anybody here play this game?”
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