There were more fisticuffs in the first nine seconds of regulation for the U.S. Men’s hockey game against Canada than have been observed in the last nine NBA seasons.

The Americans are in Montreal and Boston as part of the “4 Nations Face-Off” between the U.S., Finland, Sweden, and Canada. Before Saturday’s faceoff, Canadians booed the U.S. National Anthem. Like older brothers finally tiring of their little brothers’ mewling prodding, the Americans proceeded to beat the ever-loving snot out of the Canucks both literally and on the scoreboard, with the result after three periods reading 3–1 USA. And, because we’re the best, we played “Free Bird” after every score. So, after our earlier 6–1 shellacking of the Finlanders, Skynyrd has pounded quasi-socialist eardrums nine times in two games.

With the U.S. having already clinched a championship berth, they have two more guaranteed games, with a contest against Sweden this evening and the title fight on Thursday, February 20.

While other U.S. sports soften and sell out to malign foreign interests, thank the Lord that our hockey players are proving that the bald eagle can’t change. Fly high, freedom bird.

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