From the AP comes the terrifying tale of a stuck Ness monster – half-woman, half-toilet seat:

WICHITA, Kan. (AP) – Deputies say a woman in western Kansas became stuck on her boyfriend’s toilet after sitting on it for two years. Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat… “We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.” Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman’s 36-year-old boyfriend.

The boyfriend? What about the bathroom? It’s like when Spitzer broke up NY prostitution rings: They never go after the john.