So here are two headlines from the capitals of the EU’s English-speaking ghetto:

Irish Times: Irish binge drinking ‘highest in EU’
Daily Telegraph: Britain is the ‘binge-drinking capital of Europe’

Only one can be right, and national pride’s at stake. Obviously, what these small island nations need is a winner-take-all bar fight – as long as we don’t get stuck with the tab.

(The Daily Mail’s headline echoes the Telegraph’s, but the Mail also includes a photograph of a young woman contemplating Britain’s anguishing Clegg-Brown-Cameron dilemma.)