In my town’s volunteer fire department, bearded men are not allowed to be firefighters. Well, we are, but only to do the boring stuff like unload the equipment. You’re not allowed anywhere near the flames.”World’s Hairiest Man Carrying Torch” is not a poignant tale of unrequited love set in the Provincetown bear scene, but an accident waiting to happen:

BEIJING, July 31 (AP) – (Kyodo)—The world’s hairiest man is applying to take part in the Beijing Olympic torch relay, state media reported Tuesday. Yu Zhenhuan, who has hair covering 96 percent of his body, told the official Xinhua News Agency that he would be an ideal candidate to take part in the event.