The Anti-Big Mac Attack

THE dream scenario for the fat police can be found in the unduly unsung film So 1 Married an Axe Murderer, starring Mike Myers (of Austin Powers fame). Myers plays two characters at once, a Scottish conspiracy theorist and his son. The father explains, in a thick Scottish burr, that it is “a well-known fact… that there’s a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as the Pentaveret, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet triannually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.” Members of the Pentaveret, he reveals, include the Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, and Colonel Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, before he died. “Oh, I hated the Colonel,” the father seethes, “with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his face—‘Oh, you’re gonna buy my chicken!”’

“Dad, how can you hate . . . the Colonel?” the son asks.

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Jonah Goldberg

Jonah Goldberg is a National Review contributing editor.

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THE dream scenario for the fat police can be found in the unduly unsung film So 1 Married an Axe Murderer, starring Mike Myers (of Austin Powers fame). Myers plays two characters at once, a Scottish conspiracy theorist and his son. The father explains, in a thick Scottish burr, that it is “a well-known fact… that there’s a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as the Pentaveret, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet triannually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.” Members of the Pentaveret, he reveals, include the Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, and Colonel Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, before he died. “Oh, I hated the Colonel,” the father seethes, “with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his face—‘Oh, you’re gonna buy my chicken!”’

“Dad, how can you hate . . . the Colonel?” the son asks.