Nice Picnics

The season for picnics is here—and I mean nice picnics, real food and drink, not the hard-boiled egg and peanut butter sandwich affairs, though it is wise to take this kind of fodder along for the children, just in case. Also, I’m no expert on outdoor cookery; if I have to cook, I prefer to do it where it is easiest, in the kitchen. I admit that open-air meats are lovely, and so are clambakes and barbecues; but somebody else has to do the work. And let there be sufficient drink to pass the time until the food is ready—which always takes longer than any but the most experienced outdoor cooks think.

The food that follows is to be eaten in a civilized manner. Off a tablecloth (no plastic), on the sand or grass or rock, from plates which can be plastic provided they don’t look plastic (the same for the glasses), but take the silver or the stainless steel along—any other eating utensils are despicable. Use insulated bags and coolers, pack foods separately in plastic bags, and don’t forget these: salt, pepper, paper napkins, bottle opener, can opener, cigarettes and matches, paper toweling, garbage bags, kitchen knife, insect repellent, and Wash’N’ Dry or similar cloths. And check your picnic site for swampiness, incoming tides, poison ivy, ant heaps, pebbles, and trespassing notices.

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Nika Hazelton

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The season for picnics is here—and I mean nice picnics, real food and drink, not the hard-boiled egg and peanut butter sandwich affairs, though it is wise to take this kind of fodder along for the children, just in case. Also, I’m no expert on outdoor cookery; if I have to cook, I prefer to do it where it is easiest, in the kitchen. I admit that open-air meats are lovely, and so are clambakes and barbecues; but somebody else has to do the work. And let there be sufficient drink to pass the time until the food is ready—which always takes longer than any but the most experienced outdoor cooks think.

The food that follows is to be eaten in a civilized manner. Off a tablecloth (no plastic), on the sand or grass or rock, from plates which can be plastic provided they don’t look plastic (the same for the glasses), but take the silver or the stainless steel along—any other eating utensils are despicable. Use insulated bags and coolers, pack foods separately in plastic bags, and don’t forget these: salt, pepper, paper napkins, bottle opener, can opener, cigarettes and matches, paper toweling, garbage bags, kitchen knife, insect repellent, and Wash’N’ Dry or similar cloths. And check your picnic site for swampiness, incoming tides, poison ivy, ant heaps, pebbles, and trespassing notices.