Your incorruptible judges have met to judge the Third Annual Delectations Contest, which asked competitors to submit a minimum of two Glorious Excuses which would exonerate them from some sin or crime. The judges were both sad and happy with the results—sad because the number of entries was small compared with the large number sent in for previous contests; happy, nay, exultant to learn that NR readers lead such sinless and crimeless lives that the need for glorious excuses simply does not arise.
When we had fully grasped this, your judges raised their glasses toasting the moral strength and blameless character of our readers.
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