Happy Warrior

I HATE writing about immigration, really I do. I’m an immigrant myself and it’s hardly my place to say who should or shouldn’t be let into America. I feel like the weekending New Yorker who snaps up the last 18th-century farmhouse in Vermont and then goes to Town Meeting to gripe about the proposed subdivision on the edge of the village.

Nonetheless, like most legal immigrants, I resent the conflation made by everyone from the president down between the vast army of the Undocumented and those of us who are Documented to our eyeballs (literally: my retinal scan is in the Homeland Security computer, but fortunately it’s incompatible with the FBI computer, so my eyeballs can go on a bank-robbing spree through the Midwest with impunity). We legal immigrants paid gazillions of dollars, went through INS hell, and filled in all the stupid paperwork, like the form demanding to know whether we’re coming to America with the intent of practicing a) genocide or b) prostitution. As it happens, I’m a genocidal prostitute but I took a gamble that the government doesn’t really check these things, and so far it seems to be panning out.

About the Author

Mark Steyn

Mark Steyn is an international bestselling author, a Top 41 recording artist, and a leading Canadian human-rights activist.

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I HATE writing about immigration, really I do. I’m an immigrant myself and it’s hardly my place to say who should or shouldn’t be let into America. I feel like the weekending New Yorker who snaps up the last 18th-century farmhouse in Vermont and then goes to Town Meeting to gripe about the proposed subdivision on the edge of the village.

Nonetheless, like most legal immigrants, I resent the conflation made by everyone from the president down between the vast army of the Undocumented and those of us who are Documented to our eyeballs (literally: my retinal scan is in the Homeland Security computer, but fortunately it’s incompatible with the FBI computer, so my eyeballs can go on a bank-robbing spree through the Midwest with impunity). We legal immigrants paid gazillions of dollars, went through INS hell, and filled in all the stupid paperwork, like the form demanding to know whether we’re coming to America with the intent of practicing a) genocide or b) prostitution. As it happens, I’m a genocidal prostitute but I took a gamble that the government doesn’t really check these things, and so far it seems to be panning out.