The Government Point

N AT I O N A L R E V I E W/S E P T E M B E R 26, 2005 safe sex to you and your wife and tells your kids that masturbation is a healthy part of adolescent development. After tearing the crucifix from your wall (“This just won’t do”), he informs you he’ll be back in the morning to work out a payment schedule for his services. “For your own good,” he explains with a smile.

The lesson of this parable should be pretty obvious. With the exception of a handful of our libertarian brethren, nobody objects to the idea that the government should help put out fires. Fighting crime, winning wars, ensuring clean drinking water, responding to nat- ural disasters, preventing the outbreak of horrible epidemics: These are all things very few conservatives dispute should generally be within the portfolio of Uncle Sam. We may argue about the best way to do such things. For instance, crime is over- whelmingly a local issue. But when organized crime begins operating across state lines or when local govern- ments become hopelessly corrupt, the feds step in with very few complaints from the “anti-Big Government crowd”—to use a derisory phrase of the, well, Big Government Crowd. In other words, we’re all for the firemen being firemen, but then we want them to go home.

About the Author

Jonah Goldberg

Jonah Goldberg is a National Review contributing editor.

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N AT I O N A L R E V I E W/S E P T E M B E R 26, 2005 safe sex to you and your wife and tells your kids that masturbation is a healthy part of adolescent development. After tearing the crucifix from your wall (“This just won’t do”), he informs you he’ll be back in the morning to work out a payment schedule for his services. “For your own good,” he explains with a smile.

The lesson of this parable should be pretty obvious. With the exception of a handful of our libertarian brethren, nobody objects to the idea that the government should help put out fires. Fighting crime, winning wars, ensuring clean drinking water, responding to nat- ural disasters, preventing the outbreak of horrible epidemics: These are all things very few conservatives dispute should generally be within the portfolio of Uncle Sam. We may argue about the best way to do such things. For instance, crime is over- whelmingly a local issue. But when organized crime begins operating across state lines or when local govern- ments become hopelessly corrupt, the feds step in with very few complaints from the “anti-Big Government crowd”—to use a derisory phrase of the, well, Big Government Crowd. In other words, we’re all for the firemen being firemen, but then we want them to go home.