Boy, this national dialogue on healthcare is dragging on forever, isn’t it? Who knew the Change We Need would be so tough to achieve! It’s frustrating and confounding to wade through all the conflicting voices, “fishy” facts, scare tactics, and anger out there. Who can be trusted to tell the truth?

In the interest of above-board transparency and honesty, top Democrats have been “keeping score, brother“:

Actor: The Republicans

Role: Petty, partisan (and, psst, totally powerless) obstructionists, determined to score political points against President Obama.

Actor: The Media

Role: Conspiring against progress by introducing phony deadlines and timetables into the health-care reform effort (even though the August deadline was established by the President).

Actor: Private health-insurance companies

Role: Immoral, carpet-bombing villains (who, thankfully, still contributed big money to Obama, Pelosi, et al).

Actor: Doctors

Role: Greedy, selfish, profit-hounds who perform unneccessary surgeries on children and prescribe overpriced medication just to make an extra buck.

Actor: The Interwebs

Role: Obfuscation, deceit, and fear-spreading. (Please report such nefarious activity directly to the White House, post-haste).

Actor: The vast right-wing conspiracy (or just some guy from Connecticut)

Role: Coordinating assaults on helpless Democrat Representatives’ townhall meetings by mobilizing firebreathing, disruptive lunatics.

Actor: The American Public

Role: Deranged, right-wing radical, mobster, astroturfing, special interest pawns. And maybe Nazis, too. (This description may apply to 52 percent of voters).

Actor: The Democratic Party

Role: Compassionately taking over the nation’s health-care system, improving the quality of care, lowering costs, not rationing, not adding to the federal deficit, not raising taxes, saving the planet, punishing villains, tracking disseminators of untruths, and valiantly resisting (or ignoring) all other actors.