Look, I love heavy metal as much as anyone, but this is just ridiculous:

Salzburg is known for its role in the history of music, but as The Guardian reported, it will be making a different sort of history next week when it is the site of what is being billed as the first international scholarly conference on heavy metal. Among the papers scheduled for presentation: “Turn or Burn? The Peculiar Case of Christian Metal Music,” “All Tomorrows Become Yesterday: Stoner Rock’s Construction Through Nostalgic Historiography,” “Distortion-drenched Utopias: Metal and Modernity in Southeast Asia” and “’You’re too F[—]in’ Metal for your own good’: Controlled Anger and the Expression of Intensity and Authenticity in Post-modern Heavy Metal.”

By the way, I’ve been listening to metal since I was three or four years old, and I review probably five or so new CDs a month. But I still don’t know: What in the world is “Post-modern Heavy Metal”?