In a hilarious take on teacher evaluations by students, Thomas Cushman, a professor of sociology at Wellesley College, imagines how students would have judged Socrates. Excerpts:

Socrates is a real drag, I don’t know how in hell he ever got tenure. He makes students feel bad by criticizing them all the time…ramming his ideas down student’s throtes…
He always keeps talking about these figures in a cave, like they really have anything to do with the real world. Give me a break! I spend serious money for my education and I need something I can use in the real world . . .
For someone who is always challenging conventional wisdom (if I heard that term one more time I was going to die), Professor Socrates’ ideal republic is pretty darn static… no room to move there in terms of intellectual development and social change . . .
I was taking this course on queer theory . . . I was actually glad to have taken Socrates because he is a living, breathing phallocentrist! . . .
I was warned about this man by my adviser in women’s studies. I don’t see that anything other than white male patriarchy can explain his omnipresence in the agora . . .
Socrates is…a racist and a sexist and a homophobe. He stole his ideas from the African people and won’t even talk to them now. Someone said that maybe he was part African, but there is noooooo way.