The Tom Cruise comeback has begun — he’s apologized to Brooke Shields. “He came over to my house, and he gave me a heartfelt apology,” Shields said Friday during an appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. And he apologized for bringing me into the whole thing and for everything that happened…. And I accepted it.” It’s not by accident that Cruise has begun the long road back from box-office failure and Summer Redstone and wigging out on Oprah by knocking on Brooke’s door with flowers and a Whitman Sampler. All his recent troubles began with him picking a fight with Brooke. Cruise got on Brooke for taking prescription medication for post-partum depression. Americans may be ambivalent about the war in Iraq, they may not be completely united about what to do with Castro and Chavez and Iran and Kim Il Sung — but there’s one thing every American knows you just don’t do. You don’t mess with Brooke Shields. When Cruise attacked Brooke he tapped into something huge in the American psyche — every man, woman, and child in this country loves Brooke Shields — whether they know it or not. People who don’t think about Brooke Shields actually love Brooke Shields. People who think they don’t love Brooke Shields, even people who actively insist they don’t like Brooke Shields? These people are delusional. They’re in denial. They actually do love Brooke Shields. All Americans love Brooke Shields. Okay, I’ll clarify that — all good Americans love Brooke Shields. If you really, really don’t love Brooke Shields, frankly you should pack your things and go back to whatever non-Brooke-Shields-loving backwards country you come from. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be xenophobic about it, but there is a war on and if you don’t love Brooke Shields we really don’t need you around here. Like Mt. Rushmore, Brooke Shields has always been there for us. We first saw her as a tragic teenage hooker in Pretty Baby — a very good performance in a pretty good, albeit controversial movie. Around the same time as Jodie Foster’s great performance as a teen-age hooker in a great movie, Taxi Driver. Now, Brooke would never be Jodie — Jodie is Meryl Streep and Bette Davis. Jodie would go on to be one of our greatest actresses. Jodie will be turning in brilliant performances in her fifties and sixties and seventies. Jodie will be around for a long, long time. And so will Brooke — because, while not blessed with Jodie’s natural acting gifts, Brooke’s got something by the truckload that Americans love — she’s a real trouper. Who had a crazy, dysfunctional showbiz childhood — but pulled herself through it with grace and style? Brooke did. Who not only never had a personal sex video released on the internet, but actually spoke openly to her fellow teenagers about the virtues of virtue? Brooke did. Who spent her height-of-fame capital not on proselytizing for oddball California wacky religions, but on entertaining the troops with Bob Hope? Brooke did. Who, to this day, still refers to Bob Hope as “Mr. Hope”? Brooke does. Who’s a smarty pants who graduated from Princeton? Princeton graduate Brooke Shields, that’s who! Who, when her film career slowed down, knocked out a few seasons of a pretty decent sitcom and never shied away from a good pratfall when necessary? I’ll give you a hint: She’s a trouper. Who, when her TV career slowed down, busted her buns for years doing eight shows a week in one big Broadway musical after another? Big Broadway Brooke! (Eight shows a week in a Broadway musical is not for the weak. I took over the role of Vince Fontaine in the ‘90s revival of Grease a couple of years after Brooke had left the show — my Rizzos were Tracy Nelson and Jasmine Guy, both swell gals. I did the show for four months and lost 27 pounds! Some of the cast had been with show since the beginning, and had worked with Brooke. Like all good Americans, they spoke of her with respect and admiration. Rama lama lama!) Who had a baby, suffered from post-partum depression, bounced back, wrote a book about it, and had another baby and doesn’t take any guff from Tom Cruise or anyone else? I’ll tell you who — a big ol’ show biz survivor named Brooke Shields. If Tom Cruise makes it back from his self-inflicted career setback, he’ll have Brooke Shields to thank. He may be a big star, but it’s never too late to learn the first lesson of show business: you can jump up and down on Oprah’s couch, you can proseltyze for Scientology, you can make a mediocre sequel or two to Mission Impossible — but when you mess with Brooke Shields you’re messing with America, buddy! And America doesn’t like that. Because America loves Brooke Shields. – Comedian Dave Konig starred on Broadway in Grease! and won a New York Emmy as the co-host of Subway Q&A. Konig has written a novel, Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky. Konig is also an NRO contributor.