Idris Elba’s War on Knifepoints Doesn’t Go Far Enough

As National Review’s resident teenage knife-fighting expert, I was disappointed to read that the actor Idris Elba wants the British government to circumcise all of the privately owned knives in the United Kingdom in the hope that doing so will help reduce crime. Here’s Elba, talking to BBC Radio 4:

This does sound “crazy,” yes. But, in my modest estimation, it sounds crazy because it doesn’t go far enough. Clearly, Elba doesn’t really care about crime — at least, not as much as I do. He said nothing about hammers. He’s apparently fine with the continued ownership of scissors. He was perfectly silent on pizza slicers. It’s a disgrace. Evidently, if we really want to ensure that young Brits can’t terrorize their neighbors, we need to bring a swift end to the possession of anything that can cut, slice, stab, perforate, score, incise, etch, carve, chop, dissect, dash, gash, or nick — up to and including human teeth. I know, I know — that sounds like a crazy thing to say. But you can still consume food without your teeth, which is an innovative way to look at it. And, besides, for those who can show a genuine need, we can set up a licensing system — with a background check, of course — that enables them to take temporary custody of a set of government-approved SharpGums that, under the correct supervision, can be used to bite through anything that can’t be easily ripped.

About the Author

Charles C. W. Cooke

Charles C. W. Cooke is a senior editor at National Review and the host of The Charles C. W. Cooke Podcast.

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As National Review’s resident teenage knife-fighting expert, I was disappointed to read that the actor Idris Elba wants the British government to circumcise all of the privately owned knives in the United Kingdom in the hope that doing so will help reduce crime. Here’s Elba, talking to BBC Radio 4:

This does sound “crazy,” yes. But, in my modest estimation, it sounds crazy because it doesn’t go far enough. Clearly, Elba doesn’t really care about crime — at least, not as much as I do. He said nothing about hammers. He’s apparently fine with the continued ownership of scissors. He was perfectly silent on pizza slicers. It’s a disgrace. Evidently, if we really want to ensure that young Brits can’t terrorize their neighbors, we need to bring a swift end to the possession of anything that can cut, slice, stab, perforate, score, incise, etch, carve, chop, dissect, dash, gash, or nick — up to and including human teeth. I know, I know — that sounds like a crazy thing to say. But you can still consume food without your teeth, which is an innovative way to look at it. And, besides, for those who can show a genuine need, we can set up a licensing system — with a background check, of course — that enables them to take temporary custody of a set of government-approved SharpGums that, under the correct supervision, can be used to bite through anything that can’t be easily ripped.