Social-Distancing Lessons in Classic Movies

Contemporary movies, or “films,” for the gratuitously pretentious among us, have suffered of late. As a result, America is directionless when confronting the viral threat. Our celebrities have been found to be far less the fabulous deities of the new age — primped and painted for the red carpets and in-person interviews — than horrifyingly ungodly, mere mortals who suffer bad-hair days. One cannot take virological advice from a celebrity with an unmade bed on a Zoom call with Ellen.

What then are we to do? To whom should we look? Not organized religion, obviously. It’s much too exacting and the pews aren’t as comfortable as a La-Z-Boy. Plus, stuffing one’s gob with chicken wings is frowned upon in most churches — though the Episcopalians might still welcome your presence, as it would increase attendance by at least 25 percent . . . No, I am afraid that we are simply too busy and important for theology. After all, we work fewer hours than our forebears and boast a quality of life that the queen of England could not have enjoyed even 50 years ago — instruction from religion simply won’t do at all for a people as decadently and actively lethargic as we are.

About the Author

Luther Ray Abel

Luther Ray Abel is an Associate Editor for National Review. A veteran of the U.S. Navy, Luther is a proud native of Sheboygan, Wis.

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Contemporary movies, or “films,” for the gratuitously pretentious among us, have suffered of late. As a result, America is directionless when confronting the viral threat. Our celebrities have been found to be far less the fabulous deities of the new age — primped and painted for the red carpets and in-person interviews — than horrifyingly ungodly, mere mortals who suffer bad-hair days. One cannot take virological advice from a celebrity with an unmade bed on a Zoom call with Ellen.

What then are we to do? To whom should we look? Not organized religion, obviously. It’s much too exacting and the pews aren’t as comfortable as a La-Z-Boy. Plus, stuffing one’s gob with chicken wings is frowned upon in most churches — though the Episcopalians might still welcome your presence, as it would increase attendance by at least 25 percent . . . No, I am afraid that we are simply too busy and important for theology. After all, we work fewer hours than our forebears and boast a quality of life that the queen of England could not have enjoyed even 50 years ago — instruction from religion simply won’t do at all for a people as decadently and actively lethargic as we are.