Tom Hanks Is a Boring, No-Talent Hack

I was sitting in my barber’s chair the other day when my personal hair clipper, Bernard, began going on about how much he’s enjoyed the work of Mr. Tom Hanks, the most overrated actor of our time.

I immediately slapped the scissors out of Bernard’s hand and ripped the cape from my chest, sending hair flying. I then briskly walked out of the barbershop. I would rather sport half a haircut than listen to anyone go on about a no-talent hack like Tom Hanks.