Since 1964, the U.K.’s Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority (CICA) has disbursed government funds to injured victims of “crimes of violence.” A town council in northern England has asked the CICA to compensate a child born with symptoms of fetal alcohol syndrome. The criminal in this case would be the child’s mother, who drank heavily (half a bottle of vodka and eight cans of “strong lager” per day) throughout the pregnancy. The CICA denied the request, and the case has gone to appeals court.

Various legal questions are involved, and the court has not yet issued a ruling. But if it rules in favor of compensation, it would establish two novel principles: Drinking heavily during pregnancy is a criminal act, and an unborn child can be considered a person under the law. This of course would raise the question of why it is legal to destroy an unborn child but not to damage it. Moreover, if the hard-drinking woman had aborted her child, legally there would have been no victim, so what made her (potentially) a criminal was the act of giving birth.

The case also shows how real life can parallel satire. Late last month, my colleague Charlie Cooke wrote a brilliant parody of NARAL’s advertisement against Cory Gardner, now senator-elect from Colorado:

Woman: So everyone’s sold out of ramen noodles? How did this happen?
Man: With that personhood decree, Cory Gardner banned anything that could hurt an unborn child. And now, we’re starving. Alcohol was just the start. Raw meat? Cory banned it. Seafood? Gone. No more pâté, fruit, Caesar dressing, sushi . . .
Woman: That one hurts the most . . .
Man: . . . eggs, Tiramisu, coffee. After food stamps were abolished. I had to eat those old Pell Grant applications just to stay alive. Sometimes I envy Barack Obama. At least they feed him on Elba.

In fact, a lawyer for the CICA suggested that Britain may be headed in that very direction:

Mr Collins asked whether “a pregnant mother who eats unpasteurised cheese or a soft boiled egg knowing there is a risk that it could give rise to a risk of har[m] to the foetus” might also find herself accused of a crime.

Via Ace of Spades.