Kucinich, who didn’t even talk that much, could have made you drunk:

Take one drink if: A candidate uses the phrase “when I’m president”; a candidate mentions a member of his or her family; a candidate mentions the Iraq vote; a candidate resembles a small, squeaky dog toy; the camera pans to an audience member yawning; every time someone says “troops.” Take two drinks if: Edwards mentions one of the two Americas; Biden says something that makes you wince; Obama says “hope”; Brian Williams smells like coconuts; somebody drawls; you can name where Mike Gravel is from. Finish your glass if: Edwards touches his hair (tousling counts); HRC shows up in something other than a pant suit; Bill Richardson bans cockfighting; Dodd makes you feel fresh; you agree with Kucinich; a candidate speaks Spanish (its South Carolina, people); anyone points with their thumb. Shave your goatee if: HRC makes someone cry; anyone gets bitch-slapped.