Like everybody else who grew up when I did, I love Columbo. And I agree with Shannen on The In-Laws; it’s a funny (and heartwarming!) movie that’s been one of my all-time favorites since I saw it way back when it came out, three decades ago. It made such a deep impression on me when I was 14 that when somebody recently — was it an NFL running back? a WWF wrestler? anyway, some concerned sociologist — said that if New York allowed gay marriage the result would be “anarchy,” honestly, my very first thought was of Peter Falk’s great “atonal music” speech in The In-Laws! Here’s the quote:

What do you think will happen when they run off this dough . . . and there’s trillions of extra dollars, francs, and marks floating around? You’ve got a collapse of confidence in the currency. People are gonna panic. There’s gonna be gold riots, atonal music . . . political chaos, mass suicide. Right? It’s Germany before Hitler. You can see that. Jesus, I don’t know what people are gonna do . . . when a six-pack of Budweisers costs $1,200. That’ll be awful. — You think I’m bulls***ing?

Of course, it looks like the New York State Senate will pass the gay-marriage legislation only at the end of the session — which end is now scheduled for circa the year 2173. I suspect they’ll pass the unicorn-farms legislation Kevin Williamson is opposed to before they bring up the gays; at this moment, the prospect of an actual vote looks as unrealistic as the claims that a yes vote would create anarchy. But if, per impossible, the measure passes the Senate this century, the first thing I’m gonna do is open my windows real wide — to see if I can hear the distant strains of atonal music.

Thank you, Peter Falk, for brightening my life. St. Peter, pray for us. And R.I.P.